October 20, 2007
Welcome to the MHS Weekly Newsletter
Brought to you by Sandy du Plessis
http://www.moms-home-safety.com
Issue:004 - October 2007
In this issue
What’s new in moms-home-safety.com?
Second child – Second cesarean - How do you cope?
What's new at Moms Home Safety?
Things are changing.
Number one on the list is this Ezine. In future, you will receive a slightly shorter weekly newsletter, rather than a long monthly Ezine. Articles in the pipeline include:
5 Tips for raising great kids.
How to work from home with young children
How your actions affect your teen's body image
Parties for pre-schoolers. How to keep the smiles on their faces
"Consequences" A wonderful parenting tool
Ideas for spending quality family time together
I am also currently doing a site springclean (It is spring here in South Africa). At present most of the work is being done off-line but, hopefully it will not be too long before you start seeing the changes. I am also working on a number of new pages which I hope you will enjoy, so please be patient with me.
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Second child! - Second Cesarean! How do you cope?
When my daughter was expecting her second child, and knowing that there was a very strong possibility that she would have to undergo a second cesarean, she decided to surf the net to find information on how best to cope with a new baby and a toddler who would only be 20 months old at the time of the new baby’s arrival, particularly with regard to integrating their routines.
Unfortunately, it seemed that the information she wanted, just wasn't there. She purchased magazines and visited the library, and even had a chat to her doctor. There is a lot of information on first babies. There is also a lot of information on cesareans. However there is very little on coping with second and subsequent children and nothing that she could find that tied cesareans and older children together.
According to my daughter, anybody who actually chooses to give birth by cesarean is completely and utterly mad. She unfortunately had no choice. Her first baby was facing the wrong way and his head was stuck. The second baby, whilst facing the correct way, decided to emulate her big brother and got her head stuck as well.
The big problem is how do you cope with parenting your older child right after a cesarean? You have brought a little stranger home who removes attention from his or her older sibling; you now "won't" (according to your toddler) pick him or her up; you gently push your child away, when he climbs onto the bed and tries to throw himself at you; bath-time isn't so much fun anymore; you won't chase him around the garden like you used to.
My daughter's solution to the problem, started about two months before the birth. She began to encourage her toddler to walk rather than be carried. She continually reminded him that there was a "baba" in mommy's tummy. She taught him how to climb into and out of the bath with minimal assistance. Rough and tumbles on the parental bed, were gently discouraged and lots more hugs and cuddles took over.
Big brother, out of necessity, had fortunately been sent off to day care from the age of four months. This has proved to be a life-saver. He loves being at day care and as result has become quite an independent young man.
The next step involved bringing baby home. As usual, Keane went to day care in the morning. When he arrived home, much to his delight he found his mommy home in bed (the baby had been moved to the foot of the bed). He happily climbed up and cuddled in next to his mom, at which point his new
sister squeaked.
His mother was then discarded as he dived over the bed yelling “baba”! The baby was put into his arms by Dad. He wasn’t even interested in the gift that his little sister had brought him – he simply pushed it away. All he wanted to do was to hold and cuddle her.
Over the next couple of weeks, while it obviously irritated him that his mother could never pick him up, (there were lots of cuddles and she did show him her wound), he simply turned to whoever else was available. There were of course a few temper tantrums, but that started easing off fairly quickly when they were ignored.
In addition, his mother encouraged him to help with bathing and dressing his sister, giving her a pacifier, and giving her a bottle of expressed milk. When he constantly agitated to hold her, he was allowed to do so.
By the end of the third week, there were still no physical signs of jealousy and he started separating himself from his sister (though never for too long). He has stopped yelling for her and charging into the bedroom every time she wakes up and gives a kitten like cry.
In summary:
Prepare your first born well in advance for the arrival of a new child. If he or she is old enough, show him weekly pictures of baby’s growth. Keep reminding him that the baby is HIS or HER special baby. Make sure that there is a gift available from baby to older sibling when baby is brought home. Allow your older child to cuddle and hold the baby. Encourage assistance at bath-time.
If you know that you are likely to have a Cesar, start training your toddler to walk rather than be carried. Teach him to do some things for himself that you know you are likely to struggle with when the new baby arrives. Make sure that during the first three (preferably four) weeks that there is always someone around to assist with the older child. Expect a few tantrums and don’t react to them.
No matter how frustrated you may get at times, try hard to be patient and to ensure that your older child gets lots of love and cuddles.
By the way, it is OK to cry when things get to be too much; in fact it will do you the world of good. Have a good howl, and then carry on with your life again.
A toddlers diary - written by Grandma
Keane’s sister, Erin, finally came home and he was absolutely delighted. Everything in the household revolved around providing lots of attention to Keane so that jealousy does not rear its ugly head. In this instance, a picture definitely speaks louder than words.
It seems that I am not to be called "Granny". As a result of hearing both his mother and father always calling me "Mom", Keane now calls me "Mem", and it looks like the name is going to stick.
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Look after yourself and be safe
Sandy,
Moms Home Safety.
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